guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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