some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
