Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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