I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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