it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
