you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
