I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
