I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
