he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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