I wish i was in the wii world.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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