I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
