Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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