I feel like abortions should bother me more
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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