I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
