Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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