We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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