I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize