in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This girl is more easily done than said...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
