i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
dude. I can hear the air.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
