I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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