but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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