I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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