You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
