actually, I'm a sock model
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
