I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
