Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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