Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
