I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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