Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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