I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
