she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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