My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
