he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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