My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
