His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
People in love make me want to vomit
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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