there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
