I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
