you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
