my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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