Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
