but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize