I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's official drugs can't kill me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
