Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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