at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
