just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
