Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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