I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He shit in the fireplace
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
