What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
