he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
