Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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