her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
