This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
