How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
