Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You ate ashes out of my bong
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
