I am puke
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize