Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
