Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think your dad took our porno
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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