3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
