Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
