I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
